It amazes me how deeply the Lord knows my heart.
I guess it shouldn’t since He created my heart. 
Nonetheless, I’m still amazed.

I have been wrestling with the phrase “intimately acquainted with my ways.”
I am so thankful that the Lord knows how to speak directly to my soul.

This is how He explained “intimately acquainted with my ways”:

When an architect is designing a building, they are given a piece of land;
this land is pre-packaged with its own elements.
The architect must know what these elements are,
what the weather is like,
and the community in which they are building.
The architect must think about how the building will impact the environment
and how it will be impacted by it.
The architect must consider how the people residing within the building will be affected
and the impact on visitors.
They think about how light will reflect within the space,
how air will flow through,
and how movement will happen.
The architect spends hours
 tirelessly,
passionately,
fiercely designing and creating
with all of these things in mind.
They are intimately acquainted with the ways of the building.
There is a reason for every centimeter of the building;
there is not one mistake.
And only the architect can full understand every aspect of their creation.

God is an architect.
He is intimately acquainted with the ways of His creation.
We are not a product of a factory-made mold.
We are all completely unique.
God thought about the environment He would put us in.
He thought about how we would be affected by the community
and how we would affect it.
He thought about how His light would reflect within us,
how His light would reflect through us,
and how we would receive His light reflected through others.
He thought about the flow of air within us,
thought about our movement.
God tirelessly,
passionately,
fiercely dedicated time
to create His masterpiece
with all of these things in mind.
He is intimately acquainted with our ways.
There is a reason for every bit of His creation.
Only He can fully understand the beauty that He created within us,
and only He can fully explain that beauty to us.
He created us so perfectly for our purpose
and is well pleased.
 

World Race family, my best friend has generously provided y'all with a special gift...

I thought it would be fun to write 25 "fun facts" about myself so that y'all could get to know me, but it turns out Paige knows me better than I know myself and jumped at the opportunity to share the goofy facts.

Enjoy :)

1) She’s obsessed with Dunkin’ Donuts Hazelnut coffee

2) She smothers EVERYTHING in salsa

3) She believes avocado is it’s own food group and eats it whenever she can with pretty much anything

4) She’s Hispanic in case the past two facts didn’t make that clear enough, but she knows more German than Spanish, which isn’t much at all

5) She is terrified of the dark

6) She cannot stand being alone

7) She really enjoys cleaning the kitchen especially MINE which also shows how servant-hearted she is

8) She thinks trees are the most pure representation of our Creator

9) Every time she sees a butterfly she feels the Lord reminding her that He’s with her

10) She doesn’t like hot weather at all, she’d rather it be freezing so she can bundle up

11) She’s obsessed with her puppy Zoe, it’s a bit ridiculous

12) If she’s ever having a rough day, chocolate can pretty much cure it—especially in ice cream form

13) For the LONGEST time she refused to add any apps to her iPhone including a bible app #hipster

14) She has never been camping BUT will have gotten a lot of practice by the end of the summer

15) She considers pretty much everyone she befriends as her brother or sister

16) She has a very artistic mind and the talent to facilitate her visions with her watercolors and her violin

17) She views the world as an architect and views the Lord as an architect—she always notices the details of creation, their purpose, and their beauty.

18) She will laugh at pretty much anything, which is such a joy because when she laughs, pure joy illuminates her face

19) When she gets tired of her clothes she’ll “borrow” your clothes for the longest time… World racers, be aware!

20) When she gets excited her hands start flying around and she wiggles her fingers, just wait… you’ll see

21) She’s always in need of new tennis shoes

22) Steph may surprise you by either whipping out sassiness out of nowhere or a southern belle kind of accent, usually when talking about her own thoughts.

23) She is very protective of her family and honorary family

24) She is obsessed with taking things apart and putting them back together

25) Steph’s a friend for life.  She invests everything she has into relationships and it’s such a blessing to be her friend
 

God is ROCKING my world right now!
I simply ask to hear His voice, and He is overwhelming me with His LOVE!

It has been on my heart to write a blog post, but every time I sat down to write, every word escaped me.
It was as if the Lord was saving the words for this special moment.

On Valentine's day, I really wanted to write about God's love.
To rejoice, with my brothers and sisters, in TRUE LOVE.
In GOD's LOVE.

The only word I could come up with was "love".
That was it.
Nothing else has been written on this page since February 14.

I truly believe that God took all my words because HE wanted to write.

Today, I asked God to speak to me.
I was so desperate to hear His voice and feel the simple stillness that came with it.

He spoke.
It was the sweetest sound I have ever heard.
Most kind.
Most gentle.
Most loving.

Indiscernible words, but exactly what my spirit needed to hear.

How is it possible that TODAY seemed like the sweetest
when He has spoken so tenderly to my heart in the past?

I began to ask God that question, and in normal God fashion, He had a really great answer:

His love has NEVER changed.
His love was constant through the times that I was entrenched in sin to this very day.
He has never loved me more or less than He does today.

His love seems sweeter today because I am choosing to recklessly run towards Him and abandon everything that I believe will satisfy me.

My perception has changed.
Because He has changed my heart.

This love is more than any words on a page can describe.

I want everyone to know about it!
Every woman, every man, every child, every nation!

How amazing is it that God is providing just that?!

This is the love He desires for EVERY ONE of His children to experience!

Can you BELIEVE that there are people out there who HAVE NO IDEA?!

WHAT?!
My mind is BLOWN every time I  think about that.

And then my heart ACHES to SHARE this love with those people.
But I cannot do it by my own strength.

My heart YEARNS for every person that I encounter on the World Race to have a moment just as this:
Where their heart and mind are overwhelmed with the all-consuming, passionate love of their creator.

I wish that I was able to give every person this love, but unless I am seeking this fountain of love, I am not able to love anyone in the way they were meant to be.

So, I have asked God to teach me about His love.
What is it that separates His love from ours?

(flashback)

When I was in my past relationship, we were seriously discussing marriage.
I wanted to be praying intentionally for our relationship and for our future marriage, so I asked God to guide me in that prayer time.

He led me to the "Love Dare" devotional.
This devotional was created and designed for married couples:
There are short passages describing different aspects of love and then a "dare" to implement that aspect.
Instead of doing the dares, I used the journaling space provided to pray that the Lord would instill that aspect of love in my relationship.

As I worked my way through the devotional, I noticed that the Spirit began to change the way I was praying. He made me realize that the most loving thing I can do for my future husband is to ask God to break my heart and show me the areas that I do not show that aspect of love.

God made me begin to look inward.
It was challenging.
A lot of the issues in my relationship were directly correlated with these dark parts of my heart.
I began to realize that I cannot expect to be loved in a certain way because only God can truly love us.

This was breaking news for not only my romantic relationship, but every relationship the Lord blessed me with.

This devotional made me realize my selfishness.
Made me realize that the first place I should look when a problem arises is inside my own heart.
It made me realize my DESPERATE NEED for Christ.

When this relationship ended, I needed to get rid of all that reminded me of it.
(a bit dramatic, I know, but it was necessary)
I thought I had gotten rid of the devotional, but I found it in the backseat of my car the other day.

I reaction was very unexpected.
My heart leapt for joy.

This devotional served a purpose in the past.
And it will serve a purpose for the future.

I have asked God to teach me about love, so that people may feel the love of Christ.
I have asked God to teach me about love because every relationship I am in should be entrenched with the Lord.

How can I expect to love these people I meet on the World race if  I am not seeking the love above all?

I can't.

Once again, the Lord has lead me to intentionally pray about love.
So that my team mates, squad mates, and the nations may experience this all consuming, passionate love.

It is by God's grace alone.
Because of God's love alone.


 

Every day, ALL day, I think about things to blog about. Which makes me chuckle because I was NOT excited about blogging. Funny how the Lord changes our hearts… haha.

This post has taken me a long time to write.
I am scared.
It is a post that will let you into my inner most being.
It will create a big enough hole to allow you to peer into the depths of my heart.
That scares me.
I am afraid of judgment, of rejection, of being wounded again.

This may be elementary knowledge to some, but it was deeply profound when God whispered it to my heart.
The Lord GAVE me my story.
 
It is perfectly crafted. He did not make a mistake.
 
How could I not share a story created by the greatest author?
 
The crazy begins in high school.
I consumed myself with orchestra and TSA (Technology Student Association. Nerdy I know…).
 
I was determined to be the best.
At the violin, in architecture, in general.
 
It was my DREAM to attend architecture school at A&M.
I remember the day I received my acceptance letter.
Pretty sure I let out a high pitch squeal and fell to my knees crying because I could not comprehend that A&M saw potential in me.
I was going to school with one purpose: to become the best architect ever.
There was no time for friends, for other classes, for boys.
It was all about architecture.
I LIVED at the architecture school.

Well, like most plans, things got in the way.
I met a boy…
Who captivated my heart from the moment I saw him.
All of a sudden, I had a new purpose.
To be his girlfriend.
To be the most beautiful girl.
The skinniest.
The best clothed.
The one with the prettiest hair.
etc.
 
I would not eat.

I would count the hours I spent in the gym.
I wasn’t focused on class.
I was consumed with being this boy’s girlfriend.
 
Was he satisfied with everything I was trying to become?
Just in case, I gave him everything.
 
It destroyed me.
I felt empty.
Dissatisfied.
Alone.
Nothing could fill the aching I felt within my soul.
 
Well, this boy and I, we broke up.
It felt like a rug was pulled from beneath my feet.
I was falling.
Quickly.
And little did I know that I was falling into the arms of my Savior.
 
Praise the Lord for my precious sister and her friends.
Through them, the Lord taught me about His love.
He had captivated my heart.
 
I was on fire for Him.
I ran, as fast as I could, into His arms.
 
No looking back.
 
The Lord began to move within my heart.
He began to teach me about His love, and show me what it meant to have a personal relationship with Him.
 
Fast-forward to senior year of college…
I met a boy.
This is a unique story.
We met online.
He was from Germany.
 
This love story began differently.
We were both chasing after the Lord.
Desiring nothing but bringing glory to God through our relationship.
 
I spent 3 months in Germany.
I gave him everything. 

How could this happen? Again??
We were FOCUSED on God.
We FEARED God.
We WANTED God.
 
Well, this boy and I, we broke up.
The relationship became about each other and not about God.
 
God taught me a lot.
He taught me about my SINFUL FLESH.
About my NEED FOR HIM.
That He is the ONLY one WHO CAN SATISFY MY SOUL.
He is EVERYTHING I NEED.
He is ALL OF ME.
 
I am thankful for every part of my story.
Without it, I would not be where I am today.
 
While I was in Germany,
The Lord showed me the needs across the nations.
He gave me a desire to go beyond my boundaries to serve.
He opened my eyes to His work in other countries.
He gave me a heart to reach out to the lost.
To reach to the places that most people are not willing to go.
 
So, here I am.
Writing this blog.
Preparing to go on the World Race.
 
Ready to abandon my reality for God’s.
 
This is a beautiful mess.
 

"You Lord are the hope I stand upon night and day,
the strength I call upon should I stray,
the light I look upon when I've lost my way.
I might not always feel You,
I have not seen You in the flesh,
and yet there You are,
compelling my heart and convicting me of Your eternal truth.
Where I wander,
You do follow,
when I stumble You offer Your hand,
though I've never seen those hands I know them to be able,
though I've never seen You stand I know You to be stable.
Christ You are my Redeemer and my Sacrifice,
You are my second chance and my breath of life,
though I have never seen the scars which pierced Your skin so bitterly,
I know and I trust inside my heart that Your pain was purposed to set me free.
Though circumstances might come to rob me of the life you give,
though hurt and heartache,
weakness and trial seek to break my spirit within,
I will stand in You my God until the very end,
I will stand for I know Your hands are faithful my dearest friend.
I surrender this heart so proud and lost and carry it to Your firm foundation,
I have not see Your heart as such but it is reflected throughout creation.
Beauty is Your handwriting,
majesty Your painting,
humility is Your tender songs which rejoice over us with singing.
I love You for the work I know that is occurring from within,
the transformation of my soul,
the overcoming of my sin.
I do not always feel You near but in this my hope is sure,
that ever I keep pressing in You will always open the door.
Father, take me in Your righteous hand and lead me down the narrow path,
this heart is embracing its second chance and patiently follows Your staff.
I cannot promise I will not seek to find my own way,
but should I stray,
please make a way,
for me to find You again.
This heart is proud,
these hands they are worn,
my voice is loud though my will is torn between the sins of my flesh and Your righteousness.
You are my answer and my shelter,
You are my strength and You are my light.
You are my purpose and my reason,
You are the meaning behind my fight."

So, SO lovely! It brings my heart so much joy to meditate on our Daddy in heaven! He is GOOD, and He loves us with a love that we are unable to comprehend.

Thank you, Daddy, that you have made a way for us to know Your glory! Thank you, Daddy, that You made a way for us to be in perfect communion with you again!

Lord, I pray that you would penetrate our hearts today. Please come into our souls. Please open our hearts and our eyes to receive You. We are nothing without You!

(The beautiful poem was shared through an ipod app. I could not help but share it with my World Race family! Love you all so dearly! )

(This is my second attempt to write this blog post. I was almost done proclaiming Christ's victory over satan and the ENTIRE blog was deleted... Nice try, satan!)

(Here we go again...)

Satan, who do you think you are?!

This thought runs through my mind often. Typically after I have wrestled with satan and all his lies for far longer than was necessary. Why do I fall into his traps so easily?!

Not too long ago, I was filling out the "about me" section. After finishing, I thought it would be fun to begin scoping out the September 2012 squad. I began to read blog posts, "about me's", looking at pictures, etc.

(do you think I'm creepy yet... but I thought we were suppose to begin stalking each other... ?!)

Instead of praising the Lord for each story read, I began comparing myself. In a very self-condemning way.
(<<insert satan here>>)

All of a sudden, I went from super excited about how the Lord was going to use each of us individually and our squad as one, to asking myself why I thought I was good enough to be a part of something so beautifully crafted by God.

Satan started attacking my insecurities.

(I realize that this is my first blog and y'all don't know me, but I'm about to get real personal.)

Something that I struggle so deeply with is comparing myself to others. Something that satan uses so strongly against me is my tendency to compare myself to others. For some reason, I can see the beauty God designed in others, but am incapable of looking in the mirror and seeing the beauty God designed within me.

In my "about me" I talked about how my best friend constantly reminds me that God is purposeful.
Well, a reason for that is my blindness to God's purpose in my own life.

I can feel my Daddy trying to break into that room of lies I have myself trapped in. 

There is a constant battle raging inside of my soul.  

God vs. Satan.

And of course we all know who wins that one!

God! duh!

Why is my heart unable to believe in that?!

Why is my heart unable to rest in the victory of Christ?!

God has His hands full with this girl!

(Side note: the Lord has blessed me with some pretty fantastic friends! He has taught me innumerable lessons through their words and daily living. This is one of those things...)

A year ago, I was given the opportunity to live with one of my very best friends, Katie. She and I would sit outside our rooms, on the stair landing, at an unreasonable hour, talking about everything that had gone on that day. Some of my most cherished moments happened during that time: both half asleep (most likely crying) and spilling our hearts out. Something that we did was talk about all the lies that we were believing and replacing them with God's truth.

(Such a powerful thing!! I recommend it!)

Needless to say, the Spirit filled us and cleared out all that junk satan was trying to store up in our hearts.
We felt refreshed, loved, cherished, beautiful!

So, that is what I did just now.

While I was "stalking" these people I am going to race around the world with, and satan was trying to leave some of his junk in my heart, I began to replace lies with truth.

It always amazes me how worshipful you become when remembering who our God is!

He's pretty great...

I'd even go as far to say that I am deeply, passionately in love with Him...

God: won
Satan: 0